On Queerness

I've always known I was queer. That includes my gender identity and my sexual orientation, both on a fluid spectrum that changes direction depending on the time of day.

I’ve also always felt uncomfortable with the idea of ✨coming out✨, because queer people don't owe cishet any explanation on preferences or pronouns. We shouldn't have to announce our “difference” to the world because cishet is seen as default, as what is “normal”.

Queer people are everywhere, living normal lives, and if anything we do not need to “come out”, you need to be invited in.

Part of my discomfort was also reinforced by my reluctance to being perceived as a sexual being which inevitably happens when talking about gender identity and attraction - most days I don't want to be perceived at all.

I felt uneasy about being outspoken on queerness(particularly as a cis passing person in straight passing relationships) because I don't want other people's mind to go there, nor do I want a pat on the head for talking about something that shouldn't have to be disclosed with such hesitation, if at all.

I want to be seen as a human, and whether I am letting you in on my queerness or not depends on how safe you make me feel.

I tried to open conversations with my pronouns earlier in the year, particularly during classes & retreats I was teaching, and it made me feel exposed, othered.

Now I display my queerness with a flag in my bio and a septum piercing. Not because I want to be perceived. But because of the world we live in and the oppressive systems in place, queerness is vulnerable and can mean being in danger.

Queerness is kinship, siblinghood, understanding and love. I have the privilege of being in a place where I do not risk my life for who I am but so many of us do - and things are FAR from perfect around here.

I display my queerness because it is an integral part of my identity, and I only want to work with people who either understand this, or relate to this.

And from my community I will accept nothing but allyship. From my clients, but also in the events and retreats I'm running. And part of creating a safe space for my people is to be honest about who I am.